Fresh squeezed

chilapia @ 2005-08-27T14:35:00

2005-08-27T18:36:12Z

As of January 1st, 2003, friends only.
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chilapia @ 2002-12-31T22:33:00

2003-01-01T03:48:05Z

I will spring forward into this year with much passion for life, and intentions to embrace.

chilapia @ 2002-12-30T23:10:00

2002-12-31T04:20:16Z

I practiced well today!
Then I treated myself to 3 chocolate chip cookies w/ walnuts, and a mocha balance bar, nachos w/ avacado within the next 2 hours. AND THEN had chinese for dinner another 2 hours after that. So my tummy was happy :)
THEN I did something drastic: I WENT TO THE GYM! Hell fucking cool. Took a shower when I came home and now I feel all clean and snuggly warm...even though I can tell I'm getting sick. But I've been drinking lots of water and pumping vitamins.

So tomorrow I have to get my passport photo done for my RCM application, which I think I will do in the morning since I am working 1-7. Which won't be so bad.

OH MY GOD I JUST FUCKING JUMPED.
Someone left the sound all the way up on the comp, and somebody left on AIM so I had a big door closing sound attack my ears. Yeah ok, moving on.

Where dem cookies at?

chilapia @ 2002-12-30T14:59:00

2002-12-30T20:11:06Z

Hmm, how can you tell that Christel is having a slow day? It's always measured in daily LJ updates. The more, the worse off it is.

I have that sick feeling in the back of my throat
"No, cold hands don't mean you're getting sick, Christel..."--Ian
Right. At least I have my body figured out, mr. smarty pants. And they're still cold.

Putting off practicing...again. I took a 15 min. nap, even though I got a healthy 9 hours of sleep last night, so I'm a little groggy and cranky. Maybe if I figure out a motivational game plan. It's just so hard because I haven't had a lesson since Dec. 12, and won't have one until next Thursday. I just gotta go do it.

chilapia @ 2002-12-30T09:42:00

2002-12-30T14:56:06Z

After staring at this screen for a little over 5 minutes, I still feel there is something I want to write...but won't. Maybe because it's not sorted out in my head yet, and to put it in words would be even more complicated. Eh.

Last night I went to Josh's house for a meeting with the opera crew. It went well, even though it took us 2.5 hours to do 20 minutes of planning. But that's ok, since we enjoy each other's company. It's going to be so exciting, and I can't believe it's going to start Friday night. I wonder if they have any idea how grateful I am, and I we haven't even gone yet.

So it's Monday. What in the hell am I going to do all day?

chilapia @ 2002-12-29T22:49:00

2002-12-30T03:51:52Z

Why must one be so careful with words, when what is being said is spoken through the eyes?

chilapia @ 2002-12-29T10:14:00

2002-12-29T15:37:02Z

Babysitting last night was not so bad at all. The children watched Little Bear the movie I brought them, which was sucha sweet movie. A little British in a way, in fact, if they made the characters have British accents I may have cried. They gave me no fuss before bed and Julliet fell asleep in my arms while in the rocking chair and Olivia gave in quite easily. Their parents came home around 11 and I made $50. They are so nice, and respect me tremendously. I watched the beginning of LOTR before they came home, which isnt so bad.

Today I am going SHOPPING! The mall does not open until 12, but I will be there as the clock strikes, for gift certificates burn a hole in my pocket.

I am such a bad violinist, my practicing has been so scarce. And I'm sorry to say that I have a bit of pain right now as I type. I will practice when I return from the mall for a good 2 hours. Yes, that should be plenty time before I depart for Josh's house. And I will practice. Damnit, and I will go to the gym tomorrow as well.

chilapia @ 2002-12-28T15:17:00

2002-12-28T20:33:00Z

Isnt it strange. You can know a person for a long time before you can really get a peek at whats inside. Sometimes it can be surprising and unexpected. I wonder how many people don't know the REAL me due to this theory.

Took Ethan to hockey with his goalie stuff. Come home, and Ethan phones in panic:
"Christel! I'm SKATER today, not GOALIE!! Bring my SKATER stuff NOW!!!"

VRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM
Like lightning, I fly into his room, grab his equipment, rush out of the house with Mal as my sidekick, grab 4 sticks that LOOK like Ethan's sticks. Pop in Duran Duran and lo and behold drive by a cop as I'm speeding. He does nothing. Breathe a sigh of relief and accelerate...get stuck behind a buick with old people. Beat the steering wheel, and yell insults. Pass them at the light. FLY into the rink where Ethan is waiting. Ethan grabs a stick, and runs in with his bag as "hungry like the wolf" ends. Mallory giggles at the Joshua Jackson sticker in my visor and we pull away. I'm done driving to the rink today. I'm really done.

And now Christel flings her cape back, and adjusts her super sister mask and becomes SUPER BABYSITTER from 4-10.

hold on to nothing as fast as you can

2002-12-28T14:06:38Z

Instead of babysitting tonight I would rather:

Have Marie come over
Go to a coffee house
Read a book
Go sledding
Meet up with the opera crew
Practice violin
Shave my legs over and over with peach shaving gel
Eat clementine oranges until my body cumbusts from the acid
Go to the mall and spend my $25 gift certifictate
Dinner and a movie with anyone
Go to the gym
Blast the stereo in my room and dance in front of a mirror unti I can't breathe

chilapia @ 2002-12-27T23:18:00

2002-12-28T04:20:04Z

Took a bath with candles.
Talked with Marie...one of those spill your guts convo's. It feels so good. She may be coming tomorrow. :)
Went out shopping with Mallory. Bought yummy shampoo, a led zeppelin string quartet cd and the princess and the warrior soundtrack. We spun tires in the parking lot on the snow in front of a cop. Talked.
I dont think I'm wearing my prom dress next weekend. It's too...elaborate.
Lionel got a 99 audi A4 for christmas. Bastard.
My birthday is in one week. One freakin week. I'm getting myself an emotional makeover and a new job.

chilapia @ 2002-12-27T22:41:00

2002-12-28T04:19:49Z

"Just remember to smile a lot"

2002-12-27T22:39:35Z

Someone complained about me at work. I think it was the bitch I told to leave her bag outside of the fitting room...it was really stupid. So Rayanne asks me to speak with her out back, and she tells me this, tells me to smile and it's 4 so I can go home. WTF. James was the only reason I wasn't going insane...I fucking stood in front of the fitting rooms for 5 hours, and yeah, I wasn't all perky and fake all day. Whatever. But I wish James hadn't left early.

I'm really not too pissed about Miranda smoking cloves and shit. She's 21, it's none of my business. But when she invites Zak and his little punk friend she crosses the line. How irresponsible, and now she wants to take them to the movies tonight. Why she has to take 2 16 yr old boys to the movies, I dunno. She needs to get a life, because she has all the wrong intentions.

I called Marie, and her dad said she was on her way to work :( So she can't come over. Ian is so far, and I dont want to see anyone else. So it's going to me. Home alone. Me and my Elmo Juice. Wondering why the world is so. I wish I was anything other than how I am now.

chilapia @ 2002-12-27T00:53:00

2002-12-27T05:56:23Z

This SUCKS.
I can't sleep. I'm too angry.
I caught Miranda smoking something with Zak and Steve. BITCH.
I AM SO HURT AND ANGRY!
How dare they destroy my innocent brother!
And now its almost 1am those high little bastards just went outside sledding.
I'm so pissed.

chilapia @ 2002-12-26T23:47:00

2002-12-27T04:48:57Z

STEVE is here.

Winter blues?

2002-12-27T00:08:25Z

I feel really alone right now.
Wrote in my real journal. I love how my handwriting scrawls over the page. It looks like art. I write so differently in it. Looked out the window at all the ice and snow. People walking down the street holding hands.
Cried.
I started pondering questions. Why do I play violin. Why do I do anything. Why do I speak. Why do a exsist. Why do people like me. Why don't people like me. Why don't people love me. Why do I have to be so alone. Why must I push myself to do things I don't want to really do. Why do I hurt people I love the most. Why isnt there enough food for everyone in the world. Why do we have to go to war. Why do people hate me. Why is my car dirty. Why do I want things I can't have. Why am I selfish. Why do I need attention.

I want to run away . Canada? Anywhere. With someone. Anyone. Spend my paycheck on CD's for the car ride and just be and live and do what makes me happy. No schedules. Someone come and rescue me, I will go in a second. We don't even really have to know each other.

FUCK. I always do this, and NOTHING happens. Damnit, where the fuck is the ice cream or any junkfood, fuck fuck fuck , I'll go watch a movie...and pass the time. Pass the time that I am so ungrateful for. I'll be dead one day. And I fucking waste time.

chilapia @ 2002-12-26T18:28:00

2002-12-26T23:30:12Z

What's Your Bedroom Personality? (For Her)
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chilapia @ 2002-12-26T18:25:00

2002-12-26T23:26:25Z

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

2002-12-26T19:43:35Z

They have almost left. Happy 25th mom and dad, now GO AWAY!
I washed my sheets, so I have clean warm sheets on my bed and fluffy pillows.
I want to go sledding with Ian. Or something.
Marie and I need to communicate...

Fuck I am so bored and my house smells like grandma and grandpa....

I need to ge out of here!

chilapia @ 2002-12-26T10:43:00

2002-12-26T15:44:47Z

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chilapia @ 2002-12-26T10:33:00

2002-12-26T15:34:40Z

What the hell?
The McCarthy's sent us a christmas card picture thing.
The people I used to babysit for, that I had a huge issue with.
Why do people pretend?
Do I actually want to believe that they care about our holiday cheer?
No....but they want us to think they do.
I'm not convinced.

chilapia @ 2002-12-25T11:44:00

2002-12-26T04:53:28Z

14 goddamn inches I tell you! And more on the way!

chilapia @ 2002-12-25T10:55:00

2002-12-25T15:57:32Z

I got some nice stuff this christmas. And some stupid shit. But its ok :)

This is my favorite christmas present.

"hey love
first of all,
about boys. all i have to say is that we know it's all bullshit and pain
until it really matters, so until then it's better to tie back our hair and
make ourselves feel loved and beautiful, and drive to the beach with the
sunroof open and sing. because what the fuck? we know we deserve great
things. we know we could fuck some guy if we really wanted to. but that's
not what we want. we don't want to be just some girl, just another pretty
girl. we should be marie and christel with the guys we're with. and even
that's scary. because reality means danger. if it's not just another barbie
and ken dreamlife, you could get hurt. so it'd better be with someone worth
baring your soul to.
so.
tie your hair up. smear on some motivational lipstick. put on some cute
shorts even though it's freezing outside. smile at your sister's boyfriend,
threaten to castrate him if he hurts her in any way, go into your room and
sit there in the sun by the window and play something gorgeous and
passionate. even if it's just fucking arpeggios. even if it doesn't feel
passionate at first. eat some chocolate because you deserve it. tell
yourself that you're going to get into college and the world is at your
fucking fingertips because you're stretching so hard and care so much. and
remember that the guys who deserve us are the ones who understand us like
US not like someone else. guys that deserve us understand what it's like to
practice and hate your instrument and love it at the same time and work so
mindachingly hard f or something and understand how we grew up in controlled
entropy households and were homeschooled for richness not isolation. a guy
who deserves you will give you hand massages and think you're beautiful when
you're swearing at your car. do not expect such great things from newmarket
boys. or at least most of them. they can't get it even if they wanted to.
they never had the particular combination in their lives of donnie darko,
amelie and broken thirds, beach sun and wild roses and baby crabs. swimming
across the river and spinach bagels. what makes christel is unique. and
maybe we're both not like normal girls and have had millions of men
clambering at our feet. but remember, everyone up here thought you were hot.
who you are is not he issue. it's who you're NOT. remember, i'd only ever
dated bill up until i went away from new hampshire to college...to MUSIC
SCHOOL. and even then aidan didn't quite get it. and i'm scared to death
about zay, though he treats me like a real girl not a stupid moldeable doll.
BUT he UNDERSTANDS about hating your instrument and having trouble
practicing and falling apart during finals and auditions and hating
traditional harmony and comping for drum and losing people BECAUSE he's a
musician. despite whatever may happen, he gets a part of me it's hard for
people to get. so chin up. you are beautiful, smart, talented, and precious.
you are worth the wait, dear. you shouldn't EVER settle yourself for
anything though it's lonely. fuck the world. you're a princess."---Marie

Just what I needed. A motivational letter from Marie. And Three Dog Night, Shambala. Lovely snow too.

chilapia @ 2002-12-24T19:42:00

2002-12-25T00:41:10Z

I hate feeling bitchy, and I know I'm being unfair.
But I've been treated like crap today, and been up since 6am 3 days in a row dealing with nasty people at the mall 8 hours a day.
I wish it would all go away and I would feel more awake and happier.

chilapia @ 2002-12-24T18:57:00

2002-12-24T23:58:30Z

Mom is downstairs messing up christmas.
She's wrapping presents....and putting them all under the tree and in the living room.
THUS destroying the purpose of CHRISTMAS EVE and excitment of CHRISTMAS MORINING.
Shit, why don't we just fucking open them now, mom. I don't see why you think you have to be so ahead when you ONLY FINISHED SHOPPING TODAY....

chilapia @ 2002-12-24T15:26:00

2002-12-24T20:25:17Z

OOOOooooooohhhh!!!!!!!
I'm so FILLED with HATE!!!!!